I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
