Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize