Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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