She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
