Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
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