i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i think i have two assholes
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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