just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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