now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
