did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Randomize
