please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
