Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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