so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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