Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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