my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i came on her dog
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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