I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize