i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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