You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
