she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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