Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
