All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize