people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you traded sex for a burrito?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
