Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
