Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
