so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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