So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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