Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
