i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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