I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
