i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
