Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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