So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
40s are totally the cure
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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