her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
