called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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