i'm lost and i look like a hooker
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize