did you get engaged???
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I AM VODKA MAN
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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