My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
