I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
