I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
