Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
