omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
