as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
