worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
