And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
