Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
