and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
