I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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