Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Couch. On fire.
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