he wants to bone in the snuggie
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
