I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize