I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
