I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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