i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I intend to get homeless drunk
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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