There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
