I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
