If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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