So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
