You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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