If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
