If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize