she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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