Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
