Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
