we're chasing vodka with high fives
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
