Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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