you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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