I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize