Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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