my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
