I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
