Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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