please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
