So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
whose ass print is on the piano?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
