Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Congratulations! We have a period
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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