Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
