Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
